Asexuality: The most common myths and what to (not) say to asexual people
Although asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, it is not widely discussed in the Czech Republic and is even surrounded by various myths. What are these myths, and what should we avoid when talking to asexual people?
1. “So you're frigid?”
Frigidity and asexuality are two different things. Frigidity refers to a sexual arousal disorder in people with a vulva, meaning that the person experiencing it is unable to become sexually aroused. (However, people with a penis can also experience this problem.) It can also affect anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation.
In contrast, asexuality is defined as little or no sexual attraction to others. However, this does not mean that an asexual person cannot experience sexual arousal or satisfaction from masturbation or sex.
2. “You just haven't met the right person yet.”
First of all: Does every love have to involve sex? Definitely not: We can love our parents, siblings, children, pets... non-sexually.
And partnerships too. There are many asexual people who, while not feeling any sexual attraction, can still feel romantic attraction. Similarly, there are also people who form close non-sexual and non-romantic relationships outside the family that resemble romantic partnerships but are quite different. We call these queerplatonic relationships.
3. “So you live without sex?!”
There are indeed asexual people who do not want sex and are not bothered by it, just as some people are not bothered by not eating meat or not watching television. It is simply not something that all of us have to like or necessarily need for life.
However, some asexual people do engage in sex: These can be people in the sex business (for example, former porn actress Lana Rhoades); some enjoy sex, even though they generally feel little to no sexual attraction to people; some are indifferent to sex, but their partner likes it, so they decide to please them from time to time... There are many possibilities.
4. “I know that feeling: My sex drive decreased after taking medication, so I'm asexual too.”
As we mentioned above, asexuality is not related to libido but to sexual attraction. If we have a low sex drive but are still sexually attracted to people, we are not asexual.
Can sexual orientation actually change over the course of life? Research shows that for many people, their sexuality does indeed change over time, although it focuses more on allosexual than asexual individuals. However, that is a topic for another article.